dream: 4/15/94

standing in line waiting to get into this office/bathroom in an office building. standing there w/big fat men, punks, skins, office execs etc. This bald man that looks like T (Simon’s step dad) tkaes me in. He hands me this pillbox i open it over the sink and some cocaine spills out and onto my nose and face the man gets pissed off. I tell him sorry, I know how expensive it is because my ma was on it, he shows no sympathy only sarcasm. He looks in the container seeing how much is left and pours it on me. I get a tremendous rush. This big fat exec that works w/T look alike comes in and so does a punk. I am standing on the edge of a bathtub looking at the exec (my instructor dressed jeans and a flannel) punk beside me. Exec starts talking shit telling the instructor to sit on me while he beats the shit out of me. The instructor says no you are going to fight him. I am astonished. The instructor tells me don’t worry, goes away. Fat man antagonizes me says, “are you ready to become a man?” I say, “I guess I’ll find out.” Wait for the fat man to make a move, punk says, “ya want me to do it, he’s always an asshole to everyone.” I say no. Eventually time’s up so we leave. I see the fat exec laying on a desk with a mouse on his face and a game boy next to him. I walk over and smash his nuts then proceed to punch his face and nuts beating him senseless. No blood but i think he’s dead. The instructor is watching from him office cubicle nodding in reassurance. I proceed to smash the fat exec’s game boy which flashes messages saying, “Stop”, warning that the memory can not sustain this then shuts down - did same to fat’s computer before game boy, same result - wake up.

dream before - mother, cara, eric, jess, joe and i are going to alex’s apartment for thanksgiving dinner? Bring paintings to show him. We walk up many flights of stairs eventually split up, mother and i together. Got to alex’s window/door by walking on a small ledge. Notice alex’s collection of paintings, they colors in them are light, i think to myself that i’ll never get anywhere because my work’s too dark for normal people and sit down. At this point I assume the way we came in is the only and very crappy entrance, surprised to see everyone else. They ask us how we got in, since they didn’t see us come in, we tell them and they make some smart comment. We go out to the boardwalk but not w/the family. We meet some girls i’ve seen before on the way out, talk briefly, get to the ground floor and walk w/jess b. Two people are behind us, one is very close and the other has his elbow in my ear. I lean back to piss him off and he breathes something in my face and i pass out. The next thing i know, i’m getting up off the boardwalk and people are staring at me, seems a lot of them are jess b.’s friends. One says, “i would have woken him up.” They all laugh. I run everywhere looking for jess, back in the apartment, the boardwalk, everywhere. There are about 10 girls on the boardwalk, sitting and watching me run about. I sit down and ask katy if she’s seen jess and she says jess is right here. I’m looking at a girl w/freckles dressup all preppy and very light orange/blonde hair. I say this definitely isn’t my girlfriend blah blah blah, she gets offended. Katy moves and says no there and there’s jess sitting very timid. One of jess’ friends says, “anyone who sits over here becomes part of my posse.” I ran over and jumped onto jess’ lap and hugged her very tightly.